A Christmas Blessing
by L.R.T
Summary: Jessie is very depressed this holiday season - for more reasons than one. Rocketshippy. Adult themes. Original upload date: 12-04-00. See bio for author's notes.


A Christmas Blessing

L.R.T.

* * *

Jessie stared out the window of her Team Rocket penthouse suite. The snow was falling lightly outside and she smiled slightly, seeing some kids throwing snowballs at each other. Jessie loved Christmas - just not this year, for some reason. She was thinking more and more of Miyamoto, her mother. She didn't know why - there was no occasion marking her death that was around Christmas and the year before she was fine when Christmas came. She even talked James into buying a real Christmas tree, not a plastic one. Then Meowth had a little "accident" on the tree so they had to throw it away before Christmas even came. Jessie rested her head on the windowpane.

"Why did you leave me, mama?" she whispered. Not even James knew of how terribly she missed her mother and James knew everything about her. He even knew what kind of tampons she liked. Jessie stirred her hot chocolate and sighed sadly. James had noticed her strange behavior. She was usually jumping off the walls around Christmas and now she wouldn't even poke a wall. He didn't understand but he knew if Jessie was upset about something, she'd talk to him eventually. So he just decided to let her handle it on her own for now. He walked over to her and put a few tiny marshmallows in her hot chocolate.

Jessie smiled. "Thanks, James."

James knelt next to her. "So, what do you want for Christmas?" he asked, trying to get a clue as to what she was upset about.

Jessie looked into her hot cocoa. "What I want, you can't give to me, James."

James looked at her strangely. "Jess...what is it? I know I don't have a lot of money but --"

"No, no...it's not available in stores...it's not even on this planet anymore..."

James, being able to read Jessie like a book, suddenly caught on and hugged her tightly. "Jess, I didn't know you missed her so much..."

"Neither did I..." Jessie said, hugging him back. She always felt safe with James. She felt connected with him. He could always tell what was wrong and help her through it. She loved him for that. She'd always loved him. He'd always make her laugh, dry her tears and stroke her hair. She needed James like she needed the air she breathed and she knew it; but she knew he didn't love her that way. He loved her as a friend, sure - he'd said that many times - but never the way she felt for him. They'd had a talk about it a few months ago. He told her to her face that he didn't care for her like that. Every day being with him was like a dagger through her heart and soul. She just wished someone understood. That's why she missed her mother! She finally realized. She needed someone to confide in and since she couldn't tell James...she wanted her mother. Jessie got out of James's hug and sipped her cocoa.

James looked at Jessie. "Jess...is there anything I can do?"

_Yeah..._Jessie thought, _Say you love me...take me in your arms and hold me, say you'll never leave me... _"Unless you can bring back my mother, I don't see anything."

James sighed and went into his room.

Jessie sat down at the table and ran her finger around the rim of her hot chocolate cup. "Jess, you have to stop this. He doesn't love you. He told you himself. So why can't I stop thinking about how much I love him?" Jessie stared up at the ceiling. "Mama, I need you..." Jessie then broke down into bitter tears on the kitchen table, some because she loved James so much, some because she missed her mother. "God, why is this happening?" Jessie wept. "Maybe I should just end it all." She eyed the knife drawer. "Maybe..." Jessie sniffled, "if I killed myself...James would finally be happy. I know I'm just dragging him down..." she thought aloud, walking to the knife drawer and picking up a butcher knife. Jessie started to cry more. "And I'll be with mama." Jessie slowly put the knife up to her throat...just as she was about to slit her throat, the knife fell to the floor. "Huh?" Jess said.

"Jessica, if you do that, young lady, you are so grounded!"

Jessie stood stiff as a board. "W - W - What?"

"You heard me, now you put that knife away!"

Jessie slowly bent down, picked up the knife and placed it gingerly in the drawer, then turned around and gasped, backing away and holding onto the table for support.

"Surprised?" Miyamoto smiled.

"M - Mondo...Meowth...this isn't funny, you guys..."

Miyamoto laughed. "You and I know Meowth isn't _that_ low, sweetie."

Jessie just stared. "But...you're dead..."

"Yes...and?"

"How are you here...?"

"God listens, Jess. He sent me here to try to help you with your James troubles."

"Mama, it can't really be you..." Jessie said, tears brimming.

"Jessie..." Miyamoto walked to her daughter and put her hand on her cheek. "I only have a limited amount of time here. Please...let's just spend it like mother and daughter for one last time."

Jessie smiled slightly, her tears now falling down her face and hugged her mother tightly. "Mama, I love you so much...I've missed you so much!"

Miyamoto hugged back, holding her daughter for the first time in eleven years. "I missed you, too."

"Mama," Jessie said, letting go of her mother. "Why doesn't he love me?"

Miyamoto stroked her daughter's hair. "Jessie, he's young. He probably doesn't know what the feeling of love is yet."

"Oh, mother, he's nineteen," Jessie said, turning away and sighing.

"Some people don't know real love until they're thirty!"

"I love James _now_, who knows what might happen by then!"

"If your feelings are true, nothing will change. You'll still love him."

Jessie turned around. "What am I supposed to do? Just lust over him for ten more years?"

Miyamoto sat down. "I haven't done this mom thing in a while, give me a minute."

"It's because I'm a bitch, isn't it?"

Miyamoto looked up. "What? Jessica! Don't ever say that!"

Jessie sighed. "All I did was hit him and beat him up. How could I think he'd ever love me? I'm a fool."

Miyamoto leaned across the table and took Jessie's hand. "No, you aren't. You're in love."

Jessie sighed. "It's like my own personal hell."

Miyamoto sweat-dropped. "Heh, I've heard this kind of thing classified as a lot of things but never a personal hell."

"Well, this is!" Jessie shouted.

"Shh! Jessie, once someone besides you sees me I have to go back!"

"Oh, sorry."

"Talk to James."

"We have!"

"Hmm, well...tell him you can't have a strictly friendship relationship."

Jessie looked at her mother. "Does that work?"

"It worked when I was pregnant with you to get your father to marry me."

Jessie looked at James's room. "I guess it's now or never..." Jessie looked back at her mother.

Miyamoto smiled. "I guess this is goodbye, then."

Jessie hugged her. "Mama, I love you..."

"I love you, too, Jessie," she said, hugging back.

"I'll never, ever forget you, mama."

Miyamoto smiled. "Just you wait, Jess! Things will turn out for the better." And with that Miyamoto disappeared, back into the heavens.

Jessie sighed. "James! I need to talk to you!"

James opened the door to his room, quickly shutting it behind him, blushing slightly. "Yes, Jess?"

Jessie eyed him for a moment. "You're blushing."

"N - No I'm not."

"Yes, you are! What's going on in your room? Do you have hookers in there?" Jessie asked, walking into his room. She stopped dead in her tracks. Paintings of her were all around, sketches and some poetry lay on his bed.

"James...did you make all these?"

He nodded sheepishly. "I guess...I finally realized how much I need you..."

Jessie looked at him and hugged him tightly. "James, I love you!"

James hugged her back and kissed her cheek. "And I love you, Jess."

Jessie looked up at the ceiling and whispered. "Thank you, mama."

That Christmas was one of the best ones in the Rocket house. James proposed to Jessie, who accepted - of course. Meowth got a giant catnip scratching post and special stuff to shine his charm with. Mondo got a girlfriend that looked a lot like Jessie. And Jessie was finally at peace knowing her mother was watching over her and happy in heaven. A very merry Christmas!


End file.
